I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
