Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
