dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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