Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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