I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
