I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I smell stomach acid.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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