apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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