I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
