Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
