the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
