Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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