i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
