So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
