i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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