just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
