Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
