peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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