I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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