Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
