I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
