I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize