Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
