sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
