I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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