Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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