how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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