We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were trust falling into bushes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
