the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
