Where are you?
In a non slutty way
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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