She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
