fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
