mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Randomize
