So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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