I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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