i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
