Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
