theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
