God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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