This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
