Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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