i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
