some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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