remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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