the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
