She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
