He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
