It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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