I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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