Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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