I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
