Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize