..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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