I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize