i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
