He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
