We won't sleep together?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
