I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
