So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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