I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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