the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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