I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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