I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it was like eating out sand paper
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
