i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His hands were made for my vagina.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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