He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize